Max, The Multi-Owner Cat

As most of you already know, we've located Max. He had been hanging around the back of the apartments since the week before Thanksgiving. As far as we knew, he was living the life of a homeless cat, because we thought he didn't know how to get around to the front door, or which apartment was his. We tried to call Sis JoAnne, but couldn't get though (we found out later that she'd been very sick, and wasn't getting out of bed or answering her phone). Max was scared of Dave and Me, so we were taking food for over to him everyday, and sitting with him while he ate it. I left a message on Sis JoAnne's machine that we were going to keep after him until we caught him. During this time, I got my hopes up so much, thinking he was going to come home with us. We had planned to feed him and talk to him everyday until he warmed up to us, then we'd capture him, and bring him home. I was thinking that maybe God just temporarily removed him from my home until things calmed down, and now He was giving him back to me. I didn't realize how much I was counting on this until I got a phone call that knocked the wind out of me...

Sis JoAnne called my cell phone the day before I was planning to go get him. She apologized for not getting back to me sooner, then told me what had been going on with Max. She had seen him out there, and coaxed him around to the front door, using Peace (her Siamese cat) as a lure. Ever since then, he knows that all he has to do to get inside is to pop the screen, and she lets him in. After his adventure, he'll never be happy as an indoor only cat, so when he wants outside, she lets him (which is what we were going to do if we got him back). She went on to tell me that not only has he found his way home, but he seems to have charmed his way into a second home. Apparantly there's a little boy living in the apartment complex who had wanted a cat so much he prayed that God would send him one. When he opened his door to see Max sitting there, he became convinced Max was the cat God had sent him. Not only that, but he seems to have charmed his way into several hearts, and stops by several homes to eat, and recieve pettings and attention.

Then there's me, the still grieving previous owner, who just can't seem to let him go. Even though I know he's not homeless, I still can't seem to stop going over to the apartments with a can of food, and some pettings. I didn't realize how high I had gotten my hopes up. I just knew God was giving him back to me, and finding out that's not the case has plummeted me to an all time low. I know it makes no sense, but I just want him back so bad. Everything I do reminds me of him, and how much he should be here. Everything I share with my cats, he should share, too. I still cry when I take out five feeding bowls instead of six. It's like my family is incomplete.

Please, forgive me if I don't post to my blog for long periods of time. I'm in so much pain, and I don't have the energy to put on a happy tone and write. I haven't put up my tree, wrapped any gifts, or sent cards. I just can't find any joy in any of the things I used to love. Please don't judge me too harshly. Believe me I've already punished myself more than anybody else ever could.