Spiraling

I wish I could post a happy post. I wish I could come in here and say that I've gotten past my grief, and all is well. I would love it if that were true, but it's not.
I had such big plans for this year. I was going to work on my house, and in my garden. Dave and I were going to paint our utility room and our bedroom this year, plus the trim in most of the house. I was going to dig out the area in front of the shed, and plant my plotted roses in the ground. I was going to fill my pots with colorful annuals for added cheer. I was going to get an early start on knitting and crocheting projects for the fair's crafts exhibit. I have no desire to do any of that. I haven't even been back to church since Socks died. Losing him was the last straw in a long month's worth of straws. I just don't have energy to put on a fake smile and pretend I'm over it. I just can't do it right now.