A Dark Place

I haven't posted much lately, and there's a reason for that. I want my blog to be pleasant, and fun to read, instead of a dark, dreary place to be avoided. This isn't always easy for someone who battles depression. On the other hand, I want to be honest with my readers. I think all of us go through periods of emotional pain, and nobody is fooled by a sunshiney-fake post. I normally focus on my hobbies (gardening, knitting, etc..) and the things Dave and I do together. This allows me to get caught up in telling a story, distracting me from my tortured thoughts, even if just for a moment. Lately, my blog has been silent, simply because of my emotional state. I just don't have the energy to focus lately...
As I've mentioned in earlier posts, February was a very painful month: my uncle's death, my brother-in-law's death, and the death of a family friend. These all happened so fast (within two weeks), that I barely had time to mourn one death before the next one occurred. To make matters even worse, I got sick with a virus, shortly after the funerals were over. I was still in a weakened emotional and physical state, when we found the body of my cat, Socks, in a neighbor's yard. That was the final straw that sent me spiraling into the deep depression that still oppresses me to this day. This brings me to the story that is the reason I'm writing this painful, but honest, post...
A few days before we lost Socks, Dave was called to play Judge Gaffney in our local theater's production of Harvey. I went with him to the first couple of rehearsals, but after we lost Socks, I was in such a fog that I stayed home for most of the others. It wasn't until the opening week that I began to accompany him again to the theater. Harvey provided a welcomed distraction during the day. Nights were harder, but manageable. As I got to know Dave's cast mates, I began to enjoy the rehearsals. The final show was Sunday, as I stated below. We stayed to help break down the set, then a small group of us met for dinner and more laughter and stories. I came home and got ready to meet Kim for our daily walk. I was in a happy light-hearted mood. This was a feeling I hadn't experienced in two months, making me optimistic that I was finally moving past my grief. This feeling was not to last...
During the first lap of our walk, Kim and I found a severely injured cat in the middle of the road. We couldn't just leave it there, so Kim suggested we wrap in a towel and take it with us. If we couldn't get a vet to see it, she'd care for it during the night hours until a vet's office opened. I called Dave to see if he'd bring us a towel, and as I was talking to him, the cat hissed, got up and hobbled to a storm drain, and jumped down inside. We were just dumbfounded that it could walk in the condition it was in. We completed our first lap, then stopped by her house to get a flashlight and a towel, before beginning our second lap. Our plan was to try to coax the cat out of the gutter, so Kim could take it home and care for it. It wouldn't come out. We tried to comfort ourselves with the fact that at least it was out of the street and out of danger from cars, and maybe it could spend it's last moments of life in peace. Needless to say, I spent the rest of my evening in tears, but I did managed to sleep. Today, we took the flashlight with us to check on the cat. Very much to our surprise, it was still alive! Not only that, it scurried away when we shone the flashlight in. We finished our first lap, then stopped by my house to get some canned cat food, and a towel. When we got back to the area, Kim climbed down into the storm ditch, but the cat was in a tunnel out of reach. We left the food. We plan to keep trying, but I don't know if we'll succeed. It's still in very poor condition...
So I'm back to feeling worried, depressed, and emotionally weak. It seems like when I finally start inching my way out of this dark place, something happens to slap me back down. Please pray for this little cat. It survived the night, and I want it to make it. There's just been too much death lately.